You came in and shielded my eyes from the bright lights of who you really were. I once believed in the magic I so dearly thought you possessed, only to become blind to the actualities of who I really was to you. I once believed in magic, you see. I once believed in the all-consuming, passionate, rollercoaster love I thought we were. I once believed we possessed sparks everyone around us wished they could feel.
Oh, I was wrong.
I was simply imagining these sparks.
The all-consuming part of you was actually unhealthy, and I began to see myself transform into someone far from who I really was.
The passionate part of you was really only me pulling you from all sides and trying to get you to show me how you felt. Was I really just a lie? Did you only keep me around because you knew I would always be there? Really, though, it was never passion. We simply fought. I was there, and you weren’t. I felt, and you didn’t.
The rollercoaster part was a compilation of everything spiraling downhill. It was as though the wind was the force of our time together, and it had reached its limit. We put ourselves under pressure, and, eventually, this pressure spiraled out of control. It picked us up and created a storm around us, through us, and between us. The debris consisted of all the memories I once cherished, and I desperately tried to put the pieces back together. I couldn’t, though. The storm had grown too strong. We were lost in a tornado, lost in translation, and I had lost myself.
Nobody wished to be us. You didn’t wish to be us.
Eventually, neither did I.
1. I believe in accepting when everything is a mess.
2. I believe in acknowledging someone’s work.
3. I believe in owning up to my actions.
4. I believe in working my ass off for anything I want.
5. I believe in making my own decisions, but never hesitating to ask for help.
6. I believe in knowing how to do laundry and in knowing how to mow the lawn.
7. I believe in the simplicity of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
8. I believe in taking everything with moderation.
9. I believe in drinking Coke with breakfast.
10. But I also believe in the importance of drinking water.
11. I believe in writing what needs to be written.
12. And I believe in painting when words don’t present themselves.
13. I believe in the importance of a hard run at the end of the day.
14. And if I’m feeling motivated, a hard run in the morning works wonders.
15. I believe in treating myself to dates. Yes, you can see a movie or go to dinner by yourself. It’s liberating.
16. I believe in the significance of reading in all forms.
17. I believe in finding my passion and using it to steer myself toward my career.
18. I believe in naps.
19. I believe in working to make my own ends meet rather than depending on my parents.
20. I believe in equality and justice for those who receive neither.
21. I believe in the importance of standing up for something.
22. I believe in learning.
23. I believe coloring can be one of the greatest stress relievers.
24. I believe rolling on the ground with dogs can cure any sadness.
25. I believe in the importance of befriending my parents.
26. I believe in losing yourself to find yourself.
27. I believe in the importance of an array of music.
28. I believe black coffee can inspire great moments of thought.
29. I believe late-night thinking is purer than any thoughts I have during the day.
30. I believe in admiring the arts.
31. I believe in dreams.
32. I believe in love because I study literature.
33. I believe in always being honest.
34. I believe in admitting my faults.
35. I believe in speaking when I have thoughts.
36. I believe in giving. Always giving.
37. I believe in second chances, but never third.
38. I believe in breakfast food at all times of the day.
39. I believe ice cream can cure melancholy moments.
40. I believe in having opinions, but listening to others’ opinions as well.
41. I believe there is something to be learned from a lost love letter.
42. I believe in vulnerability.
43. I believe in falling in love with nature.
44. I believe in the depth within the subtle waves of the ocean and the rolling waters in a stream.
45. I believe we can learn the most about people by observing their bookshelves.
46. I believe in innovation.
47. I believe in laughing so hard I can’t breathe.
48. I believe in alone time.
49. I believe in surrounding myself with those I love.
50. I believe our greatest days have yet to come.
Lauren is a Ball State University alumna with a Bachelor's degree in English and a concentration in Creative Writing. She enjoys breakfast for dinner with a side of literary enjoyment.