To those of you who are known as the “in control” ones:
I understand you. Other people around you may not understand your need to be in-control of every situation around you, and they may not understand how little changes can easily disrupt your day. Maybe you do not even understand why.
I do not understand why changes in my daily plans upset my mood, and I do not understand why I get easily agitated when something does not follow through like it should. I do not understand why other people cannot simply inform me of plans so I can be better prepared for it when that time arrives and knocks on my front door. This is why not being in control of one situation in my life happened to become one of the greatest experiences of my short twenty-year-old life.
We have all had those situations where we had little control of the outcome, but we knew we were able to at least give the situation our 100% best effort. If we gave the situation this, then maybe we were at least satisfied with the outcome even if it was not in our favor, right? Maybe we have seen this in softball games, on exams, or even in jobs. At the end of the day, at least we gave the situation everything we could.
What do you do when you have absolutely zero control of the situation, though? What do you do when all you can do is sit back and watch the situation unfold, while you sit there, hold your breath, and hope for the best? You simply pray for God to watch over you and show you the right path because then maybe you can be satisfied with which ever outcome you are dealt. Losing control of what could be one of the most life-changing situations of my life happened to also be one of the best experiences of my life.
At the end of the day, all I could do was cross my fingers and pray. I prayed for happiness. Above all else, I wanted divine happiness as I watched the outcome unfold. At first, it drove me crazy. All I wanted to do was to reach out my fingers and take control of the steering wheel because I was afraid of losing control. I thought if I lost the ground under my feet then I would possibly also lose control of my life track. If I lost control of the situation, who was to say I would not also lose control of the rest of my life?
Once I came to terms with not possessing even the slightest grasp on the state of my situation, I focused all my attention on other aspects of my life: I read more, wrote more, smiled more, and met knew people. I began to realize how little control we actually all have over our own lives. What is meant to be will happen. If it isn’t, then maybe the door to that corner of our lives will slam shut.
If it decides to stay open, with even simply the slightest crack, then maybe we are given another opportunity at happiness.
Lauren is a Ball State University alumna with a Bachelor's degree in English and a concentration in Creative Writing. She enjoys breakfast for dinner with a side of literary enjoyment.